Tory Burch says she would 'never trade off' being a good mom while building her company — but something had to give [Business Insider]

In a rare, candid interview that peeled back the glossy veneer of entrepreneurial mythology, fashion mogul Tory Burch admitted that building a billion-dollar brand while raising three sons required a trade-off she never publicly discussed—until now.

"I would never trade off being a good mom," Burch told a small group of journalists last week in New York. "But something had to give. And that something was my own sleep, my own health, and the illusion that I could do it all perfectly."

The 57-year-old designer, whose namesake company is valued at over $5 billion, has long been held up as a paragon of work-life balance. Yet in her new memoir and in conversations surrounding its release, Burch is rewriting that narrative—not as a confession of failure, but as a realistic blueprint for the compromises that define modern motherhood and ambition.

The myth of 'having it all'

Burch launched her company in 2004 from her kitchen table in Manhattan, with three young boys underfoot. At the time, she was a divorced mother trying to carve out a career after years as a fashion publicist. The origin story is well-known: the Reva flats, the classic tunics, the sudden cultural ubiquity. But what the public didn't see, Burch says, were the 4 a.m. emails, the missed school plays, and the moments of crushing guilt.

"I remember this one time, my middle son had a fever, and I had a major factory meeting in Italy," she recalled. "I called my mother, who lived nearby, and she said, 'Go. He'll be fine.' And he was fine. But I wasn't fine. I spent the whole flight crying."

That tension, Burch argues, is not a sign of weakness but an inevitable consequence of trying to excel in two demanding domains. "I think we do women a disservice by pretending that you can have a high-growth company and be a fully present parent without any sacrifice," she said. "It's a lie. And I'm tired of the lie."

The 'something' that gave

So what exactly "gave" in Burch's equation? She is specific about three things: her personal health, her social life, and her perfectionism.

"I stopped exercising for two years. I stopped seeing friends unless it was a work event. And I stopped expecting myself to be a Pinterest-perfect mom," she said. "I let the laundry pile up. I ordered takeout. I said no to volunteering for the school fundraiser. And I was okay with that—eventually."

Burch also acknowledged that she relied heavily on a support system that many women do not have: a live-in nanny, a nearby mother, and eventually, a second husband who co-parents. "I had privilege," she said bluntly. "I don't pretend otherwise. But even with privilege, the emotional labor of being a mother and a CEO is exhausting. You cannot outsource guilt."

Her candor is a departure from the typical "lean in" rhetoric that dominated the 2010s. Where Sheryl Sandberg once urged women to "raise your hand," Burch now seems to be saying: raise your hand, but know that you'll drop something else.

Redefining 'good mom'

What is most striking about Burch's reflection is how she defines being a "good mom." She rejects the idea that presence equals quantity. "I was there for the big stuff," she said. "Birthdays, parent-teacher conferences, the moments when they really needed me. But I wasn't there for every soccer practice. And you know what? My kids turned out fine. Better than fine. They're kind, independent, hardworking."

Her sons—now in their twenties—have reportedly told her that they never felt neglected. "They said they were proud of me," she said, her voice catching. "That's when I realized that the guilt I carried for years was largely self-imposed."

This reframing is crucial for women who feel torn between boardrooms and bedtime stories. Burch is not advocating for neglect; she is advocating for a recalibration of expectations. "We need to stop measuring motherhood by how many school events we attend and start measuring it by the quality of the love we give," she said.

A new conversation for working mothers

Burch's honesty arrives at a moment when the conversation around women and work is shifting yet again. Post-pandemic, millions of mothers exited the workforce, citing burnout. Those who stayed often report feeling like they are failing at both roles. Burch's story offers neither a perfect solution nor a judgment—just a mirror.

She hopes her book and her interviews will give young mothers permission to be imperfect. "If I can help one woman stop feeling like a failure because she missed a school assembly or didn't bake cookies from scratch, then this is worth it," she said.

She also has advice for the next generation of female founders: "Hire good people. Delegate. And accept that your kids will survive a night of takeout pizza. They might even prefer it."

As for whether she would do it all again, Burch doesn't hesitate. "I would not trade it. Not for anything. But I would tell my younger self: 'You are enough. Even when you think you're not.'"

In an era of curated Instagram feeds and hustle-culture gurus, that might be the most refreshing message of all.

Ahmed Abed – News journalist